The One that got Away~ Grace~ part 8

We returned to our new home still facing more unpacking ahead. I couldn't seem to think straight, no matter how hard I tried. I felt completely overwhelmed and had no idea where to start.

My attention was split between two worlds. The new home which demanded organizing; Tom's home which demanded being dismantled and packed away. I had no idea of how to go about either one. What was worse, I didn't care.

My husband decided we split our time between the two places. This was how we spent the remainder of the summer. We all stayed in a state of exhaustion. Somehow we removed the items which meant the most to me, before M and her sons returned to the house and helped themselves. There had been a prenup; she was entitled to nothing. However, she seemed to move through life with a sense of entitlement. She had asked for many items, which I had freely gifted.

I was truly trusting enough to believe she would not return to the house and take items without my permission. What a fool! She had sold $75,ooo worth of his cattle, the morning of his death.

She knew he was dying and took full advantage of finding a buyer before his death.

It turned nasty. Lawyers were hired. In the end, the only people who walked away with anything were the attorneys.

Fourteen months after his death, the estate was closed. To date I think I can say without question, it was the worst year of my life. All of my misgivings about M turned out to be true.

In the words of my attorney, she was nothing but a con woman and my Dad had fallen for her con.

This much I know. It will be made right one day. It has taken me a long time to reach this point, but I know it will be made right. Through grace I learned to let it all go.

I was relieved to have all the legal matters completed. With no lawyers, or documents or out of town meetings to distract me, I began the true work of grieving. I could no longer hide from this. I felt as if I were being swallowed alive. The sadness a shroud enveloping me. There was no escape. I woke with the ache, moved through the days with the loss; at night cried until exhaustion over took me. This went on for months. I became convinced these feelings were to be with me for the rest of my days.

Finally a day arrived and I realized I felt almost normal. I had thought of Tom and smiled, experiencing a fond memory. Had I made it to the other side of the grief?

Now when I thought of him, I felt blessed. No, he wasn't my bio dad, but in my heart he had always been my Dad. He chose to raise me when he didn't have to. He chose to love me, unconditionally.

Then at 42, he legally adopted me. I remember laughing the night he called and made this proposal. I told him I thought I was too old to be adopted but he had insisted. So at 42 he became my legal father. I could not have been prouder.

I don't know why he chose to love me, but love me he did. He would often say he believed I was the real reason for the marriage between he and Mom. However, whatever, brought us together I will forever be grateful. Through grace, I embraced the gratitude which filled my heart.